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The Discipline Overshare Guide
Baby through Teens · 0–18
Creative consequences + discipline for real family moments, every age and stage.
Learn moreAll stages
Start here · Ages 8–12
Big Kids
Their world is getting bigger, but they still need your steady presence.
A WORD FOR THIS SEASON
You’re probably feeling the sting of an attitude that’s brand new. Their world is getting bigger, they’re hearing things at school you didn’t say, and screens are everywhere.
Talking back, lying, name-calling, and screen battles are very common from 8 to 12. This is also the window when many kids first see porn, often secondhand on a friend’s device, and when puberty questions start.
I’ve been there, lying in bed with the spiraling thoughts. What if I say the wrong thing? What if I wait too long? I’ve learned that small, honest conversations beat waiting for the perfect moment.
JessDoes this sound like you?
- “The eye rolls and back talk are new, and they hurt.”
- “I’m not sure when I’m being told the truth.”
- “Screens are a fight every single day.”
- “I know I need to talk about porn and puberty, and I don’t know how to start.”
You are not behind and there is still time. James 1:5 says if any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all. Ask Him, mama. He will give you the words.
A TOOL FOR TONIGHT
The pre-teen conversation, in three things
Pick a calm moment, in the car or on a walk, not after a punishment. You’re not trying to cover everything. You’re opening a door.
- 1Start soft: Hey, can I talk to you about something important? It’s not bad.
- 2Name it simply: There are pictures and videos online that show grown-up bodies in a way they were never meant to be seen. You might see it one day, even by accident.
- 3Give them three things: It is not your fault. Your brain will remember it, and that’s how God made your brain. Tell me as soon as you can, and I won’t be mad.
- 4Teach them seven words for friends’ phones: What do you want to show me?
- 5Close with: There is nothing you will ever see, hear, or do that will make me love you less.
Inside the membership, you’ll find the full scripts for talking back, lying, screens, puberty, and porn, so you’re ready before the moment comes.
What moms of Big Kids ask most
Resources for this age
Available now$17
Included in the membership
Biblical Sexuality Conversations Toolkit
Ages 4–16
The earlier these conversations begin… the easier they become.
Learn moreTHE GOD’S WAY MEMBERSHIP
Everything for big kids, and every age after.
- Every guide and toolkit. The words for the conversation in front of you, for every age and stage, plus every new guide the day it releases.
- Moms Who Talk. Parenting the hard stuff can feel lonely. Bring the question your kid asked. Other moms answer, and Jess drops in.
- Ask Jess. For the question you can’t stop thinking about at 11pm. Answers drawn only from Jess’s teaching.
- Live with Jess. Bring what happened in your home this week to a live online call with Jess, and pray together.
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A short, steady note for the season you’re in.