Free help from Jess
Hands Are Made to Bless
Hey mama. Your little one hit. Maybe a sibling, maybe a friend at the park, maybe you. Take a breath. This is normal for little ones, and it is also something we teach them out of, one calm moment at a time.
Little hands move faster than little words. Hitting is usually a big feeling with nowhere to go. Your job is not to be shocked. Your job is to stop it, stay calm and show them what hands are for.
Check their body first
Before you correct, ask yourself one question: have I cared for their body before I correct their behavior?
- Are they hungry?
- Are they tired, or past nap time?
- Have they been in a loud, busy place too long?
A tired, hungry toddler hits more. You still stop the hitting. But a snack or a nap may be the real fix.
What to say
Get low. Hold their hands gently. Use a calm, quiet voice.
“Stop. I won’t let you hit.” “Hands are made to bless, not hurt.” “You were mad. You can say, ‘I’m mad.’ You can stomp your feet. You can’t hit.”
Then turn toward the one who got hurt, together.
“Let’s go check on your sister. Is she okay?”
What to do
- Stop the hand. Gently hold their hands or move them away. No yelling. Your calm is the lesson.
- Care for the one who was hurt first. Your child learns that hurting people gets less attention, not more.
- Name the feeling. “You wanted the truck. You were mad.”
- Bless the person they hurt. A hug, a gentle touch on the arm, a high five, or bringing them a toy. Their hands get to practice blessing.
- Try again. If it was over a toy, practice the words: “Can I have a turn, please?”
“My 18-month-old hits and can’t talk yet”
They don’t need a long talk. They need the same short response every time.
“Gentle hands.” (Hold their hand and stroke your own arm softly.) “Hands are made to bless.”
Show them a gentle touch on your arm. Then help them do it on the person they hit. Repeat this a hundred times. That is not failing. That is teaching.
If you’re worried about their words coming in, talk to your pediatrician.
“What if he hits ME and we’re alone?”
This one stings, and it’s okay that it does. You still don’t need to hit back or yell back.
“Stop. I won’t let you hit me. I love you too much to let you hurt me.”
Gently hold their hands, or step back out of reach. Stay close and calm until their body settles. Then:
“Hands are made to bless. Can you show me a gentle hand?”
Let them give you a gentle touch or a hug. Then move on. No lecture.
What if they refuse?
They won’t always bless the person they hurt. That’s okay. Don’t turn it into a battle of wills.
- Wait with them. “When you’re ready, we’ll bless your brother. I’ll wait with you.”
- Do it together. Put your hand over theirs and give the gentle touch together.
- Show them how. Kneel by the one who got hurt: “Ouch. I’m so sorry you got hurt. Are you okay?” Your child is watching you model it.
- Pause the play. If they keep hitting, they take a break from the toy or the playdate with you, close by. “We’ll try again when your hands are ready to bless.”
Come back to it later, when everyone is calm. Practice with stuffies: “Uh oh, Bear hit Bunny. What can Bear’s hands do to bless her?”
When to get more help
If hitting is constant, very hard, or getting worse, talk to your pediatrician. You are not failing. Your child is worth the care.
Hold onto this
Ephesians 4:32 (CSB). “And be kind and compassionate to one another.”
For your heart, mama
You are not raising a child who never hits. You are raising a child who learns, again and again, what their hands are for.